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Literature Text
World Outside.
"Open the doors, and let's see what the world out there has to offer us this time," Caravi said exuberantly as he strode across the control room to the main room, barely pausing to let the others catch up to him. It was a remarkably abrupt change in his personality- something the others immediately noticed but said nothing of. Instead, they exchanged bemused expressions, each wondering the same thought: where in the universe would they find themselves this time? "Who's ready for this?" he asked curiously. In return, he received barely more then blank expressions. "Oh, come off it," he exclaimed. "It's one of the most peaceful planets out there."
"And what happened the last time you visited Thalio?" Thristal said. "You came back with a herth-pole at your heels, rearing up to do away with your head, if I recall correctly."
Caravi shrugged off the comment easily. "Different circumstances. I swear this time will be nothing short of a vacation for all of us. You can't tell me that you haven't been itching to get off of the ship.."
The others grinned despite themselves as they followed.
"That's better," Caravi said, reaching to open the doors. "Welcome, friends, to Athulin."
"Open the doors, and let's see what the world out there has to offer us this time," Caravi said exuberantly as he strode across the control room to the main room, barely pausing to let the others catch up to him. It was a remarkably abrupt change in his personality- something the others immediately noticed but said nothing of. Instead, they exchanged bemused expressions, each wondering the same thought: where in the universe would they find themselves this time? "Who's ready for this?" he asked curiously. In return, he received barely more then blank expressions. "Oh, come off it," he exclaimed. "It's one of the most peaceful planets out there."
"And what happened the last time you visited Thalio?" Thristal said. "You came back with a herth-pole at your heels, rearing up to do away with your head, if I recall correctly."
Caravi shrugged off the comment easily. "Different circumstances. I swear this time will be nothing short of a vacation for all of us. You can't tell me that you haven't been itching to get off of the ship.."
The others grinned despite themselves as they followed.
"That's better," Caravi said, reaching to open the doors. "Welcome, friends, to Athulin."
Suggested Collections
A writing prompt from: ~Lookin4therightart
For: 1/12/11
#125: World Outside
Influences: the 1-11 scrap (etc, etc)
For: 1/12/11
#125: World Outside
Influences: the 1-11 scrap (etc, etc)
© 2011 - 2024 openmeadow
Comments9
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Haha, this is funny. Nice work. 
One thing I would suggest is maybe cutting back on the adverbs? Like "exuberantly" in the first line and "easily" in the third paragraph. I get a feeling for how he's saying what he's saying and how he's shrugging without those words, so cutting them would make the flow a little cleaner. Just a suggestion.
One thing I would suggest is maybe cutting back on the adverbs? Like "exuberantly" in the first line and "easily" in the third paragraph. I get a feeling for how he's saying what he's saying and how he's shrugging without those words, so cutting them would make the flow a little cleaner. Just a suggestion.