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Literature Text
Hate Inside
To be honest, Caravi- more honest then you've ever been with us, I might add- you worry me far more then I've ever been when it comes to your well being. Physically, aside from the battering you've taken, you're nearly 'healthy' again- at least by your race's standards. And yet... you're still not the you that you were before you left. I don't understand you, that much at least you've made clear. I thought that I had begun to understand you but I see now that I was wrong. What sets you off? In one moment, we can breathe safely without fear of you exploding, but a mere minute later you've rocketed off in the opposite direction- a fully loaded bomb waiting to explode. What happened to you, out there? You've never been this erratic before, but then again we never did see you directly after what happened with your home planet. What fuels this monster in you, Caravi? What let it loose, and how are we to restrain it again? Is there even a way? Who are you Caravi? Will we ever learn? You are a mystery among mysteries to us.
To be honest, Caravi- more honest then you've ever been with us, I might add- you worry me far more then I've ever been when it comes to your well being. Physically, aside from the battering you've taken, you're nearly 'healthy' again- at least by your race's standards. And yet... you're still not the you that you were before you left. I don't understand you, that much at least you've made clear. I thought that I had begun to understand you but I see now that I was wrong. What sets you off? In one moment, we can breathe safely without fear of you exploding, but a mere minute later you've rocketed off in the opposite direction- a fully loaded bomb waiting to explode. What happened to you, out there? You've never been this erratic before, but then again we never did see you directly after what happened with your home planet. What fuels this monster in you, Caravi? What let it loose, and how are we to restrain it again? Is there even a way? Who are you Caravi? Will we ever learn? You are a mystery among mysteries to us.
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A writing prompt from: ~Lookin4therightart
For 2/22/10
# 200 Hate Inside
Influences: Scrap, etc, etc.
-> I didn't do this one justice. It will be improved upon in the 'complete' version.
For 2/22/10
# 200 Hate Inside
Influences: Scrap, etc, etc.
-> I didn't do this one justice. It will be improved upon in the 'complete' version.
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Comments4
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"I don't understand you, that much at least you've made clear."
This sentence bugs me for some reason. Not because of the content, but the parallelism of the sentence is off. Try rephrasing it so the two halves of the sentence match.
Plus there are a couple places where I would add/remove commas. "What happened to you, out there?" ==> remove comma. "Who are you Caravi?" ==> add comma.
Other than that, I really like the idea and would love to see it expanded. I think I have to agree with you - you didn't do this idea justice
This sentence bugs me for some reason. Not because of the content, but the parallelism of the sentence is off. Try rephrasing it so the two halves of the sentence match.
Plus there are a couple places where I would add/remove commas. "What happened to you, out there?" ==> remove comma. "Who are you Caravi?" ==> add comma.
Other than that, I really like the idea and would love to see it expanded. I think I have to agree with you - you didn't do this idea justice